a trail to self discovery...

“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine; it’s lethal.” Peace out 2019! I can't help but wonder what my life would be like, year after year without travel and adventure in it. Actually on second thought, I don't ever think of my life without either of those.  Since becoming a hiker and traveler I have developed such an appreciation for what nature can provide me. On levels unexplainable and unimaginable to those who don't spend much time outside of their normal daily routines. I had made friendships that will be life long with other adventurers just like myself. Who also understand the value of travel and adventure. I couldn't be more grateful. These are friends who would drop whatever they are doing just to throw on a heavy pack and hit a trail that neither of us know where it leads, or pack up our cars from back to front with as much camping gear imaginable and go off grid for days with no connection to the world. I was cravi...

“The moon is a loyal companion.  It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human.  Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.” Hello Christmas morning. How I wished I could have just slept through the end of this year. All of these holidays, how I wished they would just not happen this year. Because it meant I had to face them alone, without family, with my mom. I made a promise to myself that I would spend this day alone. I would force myself to feel al the feels. I would accept what had happen to me this year, and I would feel the pain of missing her, feel the uncomfortable feeling out not knowing what to do when I first woke up in the morning with no one to call and wish a Merry Christmas. You know what they say, ...

"YOU REALIZE THAT LIFE IS SHORT AND FRAGILE; AND WHEN YOU ARE FACING WALLS OF WATER, YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN MORTALITY CAN CHANGE AND HOW QUICKLY THINGS COULD CHANGE." Today marks the one year anniversary my mother was given her biopsy results. It was a Friday afternoon on December 21,2018. I was just about half way through my work day and excited to head home for the weekend to see my mom for Christmas. It was then my cell phone rang and it was my mother calling. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as we would usually talk multiple times throughout the day. As soon as I picked up the phone, I just heard uncontrollable sobbing. I immediately jumped away from my desk and ran to our downstairs conference room at work for privacy. I knew right then what my mother was about to tell me. Her biopsy results had finally come in, her doctor called and told her they came back positive for Breast Cancer. She struggled to get any words out of her mouth and all she could say wa...

They say when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Well, it's always easier said than done when your brain can't quite function at the capacity in which it used too. My therapist describes grief as sort of a traumatic brain injury . Interestingly enough, that makes sense to me. Moms Favorite; Mimosas on Easter Morning 2019 Six months ago before my mom was diagnosed with Cancer, you could pile on task after task for me to complete and I wouldn't even think twice about it. I would just put my head deep into my work and get that sh*t done! I could attend gatherings at friends and never once think about the aftermath of my emotions, or how to control my emotions as the day went on. I could go to bed at night and rest peacefully knowing that there wasn't anything bad in my world that was the unimaginable and that I couldn't survive it. I could walk into a grocery store, pull out my list and gather my groceries without feeling like the walls were clos...

"When you love someone, when you care for someone, you have to do it through the good and the bad. Not just when you're happy and it's easy." In the months following my mothers diagnosis, there was many ups and downs. There was many laughs and tears. It was a blessing and a curse. I believe it was by far the most beautiful blessing that has ever happened to me though. To give you an idea of some of the most painful moments my mother and myself had to endure there was the biggest and hardest of them all. The phone call with the results of her biopsy on the lump in her breast. I was at work, patiently waiting this phone call at any moment. I see "mom" show up on the caller ID. At my desk, I answered to here her crying on the other end. My heart immediately sank into my stomach. I knew. I knew what she was calling to tell me. She didn't have to say a word. A pause between us both and there it was. As tears rolled down her eyes she spoke the words ...

L-R: Joe, Mom, Me, Harmony, Anthony Life has this funny way about it. I have spent years trying to change the way my mind thinks when it comes to negativity. I have spent countless hours worrying about the things I cannot change. I have wasted good energy on people who could have cared less about the things you have done for them. First image of her brain metastases after her stroke. My mother was diagnosed in December of 2018 with Stage 3 Triple negative breast cancer with metastasis to the brain. It was only two weeks after her diagnosis she then had a stroke. They did a scan of her full chest to see how far the cancer had spread and where else. Turns out, the breast cancer hadn't spread but there was another mass found on her right lung. They quickly biopsied that mass to confirm that what they were seeing was not the breast cancer that had spread, but in addition it was also lung cancer. By the new year, my mother had been through 2 strokes and diagnosed with sta...