The Choice to Change Your Mind

"YOU REALIZE THAT LIFE IS SHORT AND FRAGILE; AND WHEN YOU ARE FACING WALLS OF WATER, YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN MORTALITY CAN CHANGE AND HOW QUICKLY THINGS COULD CHANGE."

Today marks the one year anniversary my mother was given her biopsy results. It was a Friday afternoon on December 21,2018. I was just about half way through my work day and excited to head home for the weekend to see my mom for Christmas.

It was then my cell phone rang and it was my mother calling. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as we would usually talk multiple times throughout the day. As soon as I picked up the phone, I just heard uncontrollable sobbing. I immediately jumped away from my desk and ran to our downstairs conference room at work for privacy.

I knew right then what my mother was about to tell me. Her biopsy results had finally come in, her doctor called and told her they came back positive for Breast Cancer. She struggled to get any words out of her mouth and all she could say was "I have cancer."

I froze, not really knowing what this meant for her, her future, me, and certainly my future. The first thing that came to my mind was to stay calm. I needed to be strong for her in this moment. I needed to comfort her in the only way I knew how being so far away. The words that came out of my mouth were "let's take a deep breathe and not get too overworked until we have more details." "Breast cancer is survivable." "I know people who have beat this mom. You've got this!"

She was on her way to pick up one of her grand kids to bring her to color-guard practice. I told her she needed to go home and just relax. I would call and arrange for someone else to pick her up. My mom went home.

So here we are, just six months after my mom has passed and today marks that silly anniversary that changed my life forever.

I was in my therapy session going over loss in my life with my therapist when she pointed out I keep track of dates, as if it is a math problem in my brain. What I realized is she is absolutely right. I mark these dates off in my brain and they never go away. I have only done this for when there has been significant loss in my life.



So today, I am choosing to turn over a new page. At least for this date. December 21st will be forgotten starting today as the day that my mom was diagnosed with Cancer. I am going to remember this date as the day I was given the opportunity to change what ever time my mother had left here on this earth.

I was given a choice.

If I have learned anything through this experience, it is how grateful I am to have been given that time with my mother to do things with her I wouldn't have otherwise done, or say the things that needed to be said, to show her how much I loved her and how much she influenced my life.

Because at the end of the day, not everyone is given that opportunity. 💕